The Midnight Writer is a freelance writer and contributor to popular websites and magazines. He's written three humor books and often writes while under the influence. Under the influence of what, he will not say.
The Midnight Writer
Why Buzzer Beaters Suck [Half a Man]
The ability to shoot video on anything -- smart phones, wristwatches and specially marked cans of Mr. Pibb -- has brought a litany of otherwise unseeable sports moments to the world.
Does this Russian Mail Order Bride Look Like Kate Upton?
Meet Ania, a beautiful young girl who splits her time between Vancouver (not that Vancouver) and Moscow.
McDonald’s Getting Rid of Popular Menu Items — Is Your Favorite Getting the Golden Axe?
McDonald's is shaking up its menu. Except, instead of adding a hundred new items as usual, the Golden Arches is giving the golden axe to some crowd favorites.
I Need a Hobby [Half a Man]
The excruciatingly long, mind-numbing minutes between 8pm and 11pm, all 180 of them, is the worst part of my day.
Vontae Davis Breaks NFL Rule and Blames ‘Hackers’
Vontae Davis of the Indianapolis Colts knows how to play defense. Vontae Davis does not know the rules of the NFL in regard to free agency and tampering, how hacking works, the rules of capitalization and that Twitter has a delete function...
Kevin Heffernan of Broken Lizard — ‘There Will Be a “Super Troopers” Sequel’
This week, I had the pleasure of speaking with Kevin Heffernan and Steve Lemme of the comedy group Broken Lizard. Kevin and Steve sat down to discuss their careers, facial hair, which member of the group would be the most edible and their new stand-up special 'Fat Man Little Boy' which hits Netflix this Friday, March 1st.
Team Allegedly Asks NFL Combine Prospect if He ‘Likes Girls’
A few days ago, Mike Florio of Pro Football Talk said on the Dan Patrick Show that teams interested in drafting Manti Te'o were concerned if he was gay. Te'o has publicly said he's not, even if people think he does run like a girl. This information was just one more instance of the homophobic and intolerant, but fairly obvious culture, of the NFL.
Calvin Johnson Broke Receiving Record With Multiple Broken Fingers
Calvin Johnson had a monster season for the Detroit Lions. Forget monster, it was a record-breaking display. Johnson broke something else this season, besides the NFL receiving record -- he broke multiple fingers and still played.
Oscar Pistorius Breaks Down In Court — Officially Charged with Murder of Reeva Steenkamp
Olympic star Oscar Pistorius broke down in tears as he stood before magistrate Desmond Nair. Pistorius is being charged with murder in the shooting death of his girlfriend, model Reeva Steenkamp.
Female News Anchor Doesn’t Know What the Gesture She’s Making With Her Hand and Mouth Really Means
I almost turned this video off .4 seconds into the most grating accent in the history of listening but then the female anchor said "big fat rubber end of my vibrating..." and things got interesting tout de suite.
For the sake of good banter, and awesome visuals of women pretending to give oral treats, watch this female anchor hand gesture herself into internet history...
Tedy Bruschi Ranks the NFC East Quarterbacks — Next Segment, He’ll Rank Flavors in Neapolitan Ice Cream
On a gym treadmill this morning, when faced with the Sophie's Choice of watching sports news for the tenth time or Guy Fieri and Rachael Ray cooking with the guy who married Donna Martin from '90210,' I chose the worldwide leader. I honestly try to stay away from ESPN as much as possible, but just like pleasuring yourself to necklace models on QVC, it's sometimes the best you've got in the moment.
Wrestling Cut from 2020 Olympics
The International Olympic Committee voted to drop wrestling from its schedule for the 2020 Games via a secret ballot during a meeting in Switzerland. Instead of eliminating the pentathlon, like many expected, the IOC decided to scrap wrestling.