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In a Totally Normal and Logical Move, Man Plans to Barbecue Every Day So He Can Adopt a Rhino

Barbecue
Matthew Hartley

Oh, the things we’ll do for pets.

In a series of words that have most likely never been strung together, a South African man living in London is so desperate to adopt a rhino that he’s decided to barbecue outside every day for a year in the hopes of raising enough money to get one as a pet.

That sound you hear is a scientific phenomenon called silence because there are no words to adequately respond to the stupidity of this idea.

While you may think Matt Hartley, 31, got too strong a whiff of his lighter fluid, he actually says he came up with the gimmick after his friends dared him to keep cooking on the grill outside, even after cold weather rears its ugly head.

As you may have pieced together, Hartley has quite the affinity for barbecue, saying, “As a South African, we take our braai [barbecue] very seriously. I pretty much braai every day anyway, through the snow, whatever, and my mates said I couldn’t do it, but I’ll make it through to the end, no problem.”

Hartley is even trying to mix up his menu so he can fire up some pizza and curry on the grill to give his clearly overly-patient girlfriend some variety.

There are some things Hartley should really look into, including who the heck is actually going to give him money for this? Where does one adopt a rhino? Won’t he even be just a wee bit tempted to barbecue the rhino the first time it leaves a giant deuce on his living room floor?

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