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Security Guard Accidentally Shoots off His Own Wiener

Man shoots off penis

There is nothing funny about an overzealous pistol-packer desperately trying to impress by waving a loaded gun around. That is, until the idiot forgets how to use the safety, and shoots his own pecker into one of his tube socks. At that point, we must admit: it is a bit hilarious.

However, Rio Claro police say that the scene they responded to over the weekend was no laughing matter. According to reports, a 33-year old security guard was putting his .38 caliber pistol back in his pocket when the gun unexpectedly disengaged, and shot off his wiener. Sweet jesus, this is becoming an epidemic!

Authorities say that when they found the rent-a-eunuch; he was lying face-first against the steering wheel of his car, and bleeding profusely from where his manhood once hung. Just when you think things couldn’t possibly get any worse for this poor chap, authorities say that he did not have the proper permit to carry the weapon and is now facing illegal possession of a firearm charges. Guess he’ll be doing more of the catching than the pitching, in prison.

Next in Dumb People: Strippers Fight Over a Buck

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