No matter how inept you are in an actual kitchen, there is no way you can mess up instant mashed potatoes if you can follow simple directions.

The trick to this is not overheating the water, and tempering it with a shock of cold milk before adding your dehydrated taters. Don't shy away from the dairy just because there's dairy in it... Maybe be all-inclusive by using some lactose-free milk. It's a little sweeter, but easy on the body.

If you want to really impress, microwave and chop some instant-bacon and stir it in. Top with cheese, some chives, and if you're weird, a dollop of sour cream. Bonus points if you stuff it all in a dollar store casserole dish and serve it up like an adult.