‘Voltron: Defender of the Universe’ Takes Us Back to the 80′s [REVIEW]

If you were as lucky as we were, your parents sat you down in front of the TV rather than trying to raise you proper. And everything you know came from the sage advice of grainy, poorly animated cartoons such as ‘Voltron’ that were interspersed with so-terrible-they-were-great commercials.

Playing the new downloadable game ‘Voltron: Defender of the Universe‘ is a little like an awkward reunion with that babysitter you had a crush on back in the day. The one who has packed on a couple dozen pounds, and is in her mid-40s now, but you don’t care because you still have the hots for her. Defender of the Universe looks ugly, but it’s proud of it’s retro-inspired 80s-ness and flaunts it.

We loved the way the game starts off, with a typically overdramatic and poorly animated cut scene from the show itself. We reunite with the five robotic lions we worshipped as kids. And our jaws still drop when they join together form the super robot called Voltron.

The game practically takes your arm and threatens to break it unless you play online with others. As many as five players can band together and button-mash through the twin-stick shooter, laying waste to near-defenseless stooges that stand in your way.

Although Defender of the Universe revels in trappings that call back to the show — trust us and pause the game to bask in the message that sounds as you head off to the bathroom — the action itself plays like a re-skinned ‘Geometry Wars.’  We’d rather the game have been a heedless, ‘Double Dragon’-style brawler that tasked you to maul enemy ‘bots until they exploded, but this is fine, too.

Although well worth your download dollar, especially at $10, don’t be surprised if you get a little bored after messing around with it for a few hours. Although it pains us to say, it’s pretty much the same deal with the ancient cartoon. And that babysitter.

RATING: 7.5/10

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Voltron: Defender of the Universe ($10), was developed by Behaviour Interactive, published by THQ and available on the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3. Rated E 10+. The publisher provided a copy of the game for review.

Read Phil Villarreal’s blog at becauseitoldyouso.com and follow him on Twitter: @philvillarreal