6 Celebrities That Probably Have Autographed Pictures Of Themselves

Most old school comedians could pass off a self-autographed photo as nothing more than a self-aware joke. However, there’s something in the way he delivers a joke that let’s the audience know that he’s just a little too pleased with himself. However, his unmitigated smugness doesn’t seem to bother the army of Playboy Playmates he’s cycled through. Maybe a self-autographed photo isn’t enough of a tribute for such an unremarkable looking man who routinely beds women who take their clothes off for a living. He may very well have earned a statue of his likeness carved out of marble.

Mayer and his artfully tousled mop has cycled through some of the most desirable women in Hollywood. However, he’s never been able to commit to the likes of Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson’s double D’s. Why? Because all the wealthy, stacked blonds in the world can’t compare to John Mayer’s first and only love, John Mayer. When John Mayer penned the song “Your Body Is A Wonderland,” it’s pretty clear that the subtext was “My Body Is A Wonderland.” While the rest of us might describe his pouty, doe-eyed visage as nothing less than punchable, Mayer probably had a mirror installed over his bed to make sure his face is the last thing he sees before he falls asleep and the first thing he sees when he wakes up.

If Jose Canseco’s twitter feed gives us any glimpse inside his thick skull, then he is a barely literate, washed up, delusional juice-head with an all consuming persecution complex. Tragically, this seems to be obvious to every sentient being on the planet, with the exception of Canseco himself. According to Canseco, he’s a noble, nearly Christ-like figure constantly fighting the unjust slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Of course, maybe he couldn’t have to weather those hardships if he didn’t do things like beat up guys in Miami nightclubs, rat out other baseball players’ steroid use and try to pass his twin brother Ozzie off as himself at various autograph signings and public appearances. It’s worth noting that Canseco’s self-autographed picture would be from back in his 40/40 club days. The twist is that we’ll never know if Canseco signed the photo himself or had his brother Ozzie sign the photo in a bizarre attempt to defraud himself. Seriously, that’s how far down the rabbit hole this once great athlete fell.

The “Evil Elvis” has become something of a folk legend around Los Feliz, his neighborhood in Los Angeles. He’s allegedly been spotted doing mundane tasks like shopping for cat litter and bananas in his full metal regalia complete with skull belt, sunglasses and boots. It’s become part of the local mythology that he’ll tool around in a sports car blaring music he made. He’s also notorious for having absolutely no ability to laugh at his own inherent ridiculousness. Nevermind the fact that he’s managing a full-fledged rock career, taking himself that seriously every minute of every day is a job unto itself. However, given the fact that the buff rocker stands at a mere 5 foot 3 inches tall, it’s clear Glenn has a lot to compensate for and probably needs every bit of validation he can get. Certainly a few head shots from back when he had a healthier hairline could help raise the spirits of an aging punk icon. In fact, It’s not hard to picture the man giving himself a Dirk Diggler type pep talk while staring into his own autographed picture before stepping out on stage.

As much as we’d like to try, it’s hard to forget the rumor that one of Alex Rodriguez’s paramours claimed that the Yankees third baseman had not one, but two paintings of himself as a centaur hanging in his room. More specifically, these paintings are supposedly hung over his bed. Anyone who would display images around himself as a hybrid of a mythical creature has a personality defect that goes far beyond mere vanity or narcissism. This is hubris of Roman Emperor proportions. In comparison, displaying a self-autographed head shot seems reasonable by comparison. However, A-Rod would probably just go ahead and have him image Photoshopped onto the top of Mount Olympus tossing lightning bolts down onto the mortals. Naturally, he’d be aiming for teammate and rival Derek Jeter.

Between the Oscar hosting and the college attending and the soap opera acting, James Franco is rapidly reaching Betty White levels of over-exposure. It’s as if he’s on a mission to make sure that we never go more than 5 minutes of being reminded that the sleepy eyed stoner exists. First and foremost, Franco is unlikely to go five minutes without reminding himself of his own obnoxious Franco-ness. What better way to do so than by keeping a self-autographed picture handy? If he was ever called out on such a flagrant display of vanity, Franco would just pass it off as some kind of performance art. The worst part is that the public would totally buy that explanation.