Masturbation

In a move that should surprise absolutely no one, officials in South Dakota have pulled their 'Don't Jerk and Drive' campaign -- and the reason should be pretty obvious.

Those brilliantly demented minds at College Humor have done it once again! In their latest video we get to see what it would be like if we were caught "Red handed" masturbating in the future. Just in case you were wondering about that, be honest we've all wondered. My only hope is that masturbation will be this awesome in the hopefully not too distant future.

Rogue technology developers debuted separate apps for staring at boobs and measuring masturbating velocity at the Tech Crunch Disrupt conference in San Francisco this weekend, and they pretty much made everyone in the tech world angry.

Regardless of what the Pope might think, masturbation is totally normal. That is, it’s totally normal as a private endeavor in a controlled environment.

Medical experts have concluded that petting the walrus for Jesus, wrestling the bald-headed champ, punchin’ the munchkin, bopping the bologna, beating off, masturbating, or whatever you choose to call playing with yourself will not help a person fall asleep – no matter how much they do it. Shucks.