The Worst Movies Of The Pandemic
No doubt about it, 2020 has been a rough year. Even worse than over-reaching politicians, a lack of plans, businesses being closed, and the impending doom that we'll all die from the Wu-Flu, this pandemic has shed a light on just how bad the movies coming out of Hollywood actually are these days.
I admit, by April, I had been through just about every streaming service free-trial on my firestick... nothing really convinced me any one service was something worth paying for. Guess that's the nature of the beast though, everybody is trying to get your money, so everyone offers a ton of throwaway entertainment backed by one or two actually good shows. By the time May came around, I gave up, bought a VPN and started pirating just about everything that normally streams somewhere else. Don't give me that look, I don't feel the slightest bit bad stealing subscription money from the pedophiles in Hollyweird.
Things went pretty good for about another five weeks, but then it happened... I ran out of entertainment. I had seen everything that I wanted to, and watched a bunch of stuff I wouldn't normally go for. I've seen it all this year, so you'll know I'm telling the hard truths when I lay down these, the worst movies of the pandemic so far.
Just for the record, and to show how low this list is going to stoop, the top three best things we've been given this year are:
Greyhound - A Tom Hanks WWII movie set at sea. It was pretty stellar.
The Tax Collector - Honestly, the most brutal cartel movie ever.
Extraction - A mortal Thor fighting for what's right in the third world full of guns? Hell yes.
Before you say "How can a person hate a good Sherlock story?" I didn't hate this movie. I actually kind of liked it. It was entertaining, well put together, had some great star power, but the constant waft of impotent feminism that amounted to almost toxic levels by the end was something I didn't expect in a Holmes mystery movie. And before you crop your hair into that "Can I speak with your manager" haircut, I'm not saying it was a terrible movie... It just wasn't a good movie for me. If I had daughters, I'd probably force them to watch and pretend to enjoy it though.
The Devil All The Time
No doubt, this will be another hot/cold movie on this list. There are people that swear it's an Academy Award caliber flick, and I wouldn't disagree. I just usually have no interests in avant-garde movies. I want to be entertained in hearing a story... Drama, drama, drama isn't for me.
I will say, the Spider-Man kid had a great outing in his role. He has the potential to be a great actor, and after this movie, he'll probably have the chance to pick better roles for years to come. The biggest problem I have with this movie is the same issue I take with Tarantino movies... Pick one story line and follow it. Don't just bounce between a few. It's like the writer had three great short stories and just smushed 'em together. Again, not a bad movie... but not a great one either.
I doubt you know it, but I'm a huge Tom Hardy fan. That dude out-acts just about everyone he stars in the movies with. The Revenant for example... While Leonardo DiWhatverhislastnameis was deserving an Academy Award long before acting out pain and spitting through his teeth in the most unbelievably forced way, Tom Hardy stole the whole show with minimal screen time... the same cannot be said about his portrayal of Alfonzo Scarface Capone.
I was pretty excited about this one because gangster movies are always an easy please... but this was no gangster movie. It was the story of a man so ate up with syphilis, he lost his mind early into his golden years. Between the awkward messing of his pants (a few times on screen) and the blurred events only happening in his mind, it was hard to stay awake to watch. Hard pass on this one.
The Last Days Of American Crime
I'm gonna be straight up honest with you... I didn't make it fifteen minutes into this movie before I realized it was boring and turned it off. I can't even begin to explain how it ended up almost at the top spot of this list... I just know it looked cool, but ultimately was a total letdown.
The Way Back
Imagine if you will, a movie so bad, it was considered worse than a movie I didn't even watch! Take everything that was great about Remember The Titans... It was regurgitated into Coach Carter... Then someone in Hollywood thought they could sell the same story again with Ben Affleck... So they took that winning Titans storyboard, mixed it with Jersey Girl and The Company Men, and the end result was The Way Back... They could have titled it The Waste of Time.
Don't get me wrong, I understand this movie is highly rated on Rotten Tomatoes... But so are a million other crap movies. Put it in the same category as The Devil All The Time... Too much drama, not enough gratuitous violence and/or brief nudity.