There is no better way to eat a festive noble bird! Take notes as I teach you how to become a turkey frying master in 2 minutes!

First off, you're going to want a the biggest bird you can fit in your fry pot... If the bird is too big, buy a bigger pot!

Next, inject those supple breasts and thighs with your favorite marinade - I like the Creole butter variety.

Third - Before your oil is hot, dip that bird down into the pot to make sure you're not going to overflow that precious fluid. This step also gives you an edge for the next process...

Fourth, sprinkle a liberal amount of seasoning and spices on that bird and rub it in. As soon as it hits the boiling oil, it'll almost sear on, making the skin tastier and sealing in the juiciness and flavors.

At this point, your oil should be heated up to 325 degrees... you want to gently lower your gobbler into his personal hot tub, being super careful not to make a splash. Any oil that goes over the side has the potential to flame up when it hits the burner below.

Leave it be while it cooks, but don't walk away and leave it unattended. Keep checking the temperature deep in the breast. You're aiming for 180 degrees... but anything between 175-185 is passable.

Pull it out and let it rest for a few minutes. Just like a quality steak, the remaining meat deep inside will finish cooking to a safe level as it rests.

Carve it up and dig in.

Enjoy the best turkey you'll ever have! Unless you mess it up... but that's none of my business.